Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Hai Babieeeeeeee

On the 2/3/2008, the very 1st day of our 5 weeks paediatrics posting, I had no idea what to expect save for the fact that I would be dealing with children for the next five weeks. I steeled my ears for the symphony of welcoming bawling, and armed with a rattle and Kitty Cat stickers, walked through the doors of ward 8A. My fear and motto before starting my on call was “Please don’t let me make anyone cry”.

I met my match that night in a toddler who was admitted for her 16th episode of febrile fits. She obviously had very good lung and laryngeal function as she sat on the bed assigned to me by my group leader; crying and complaining about a hurting right arm. I froze. With the help of a friend, we managed to bribe her with a rattle into smiling for us. I learned quickly from that incident that to survive this posting I would have to dig deep within myself and look for a certain “soft skill” with children; a skill too quickly stereotyped to naturally dwell in all creatures my gender. I have always been fond of children, but when I try too hard to impress them, I think that is when they become intimidating because those cries could really hurt an unprepared ego.

I also met a mother, caring for her 3month old infant who had been diagnosed with Edward’s Syndrome 1 month after birth, currently admitted for difficulty breathing and apnea when her mother noticed a blue discoloration to her skin. Imagine sitting by your daughter’s bed, not daring to sleep a wink because she might stop breathing and being so small and weak, no one might notice her soft cries. Her mother was able to give me a very detailed history, as though rehearsed many times, with jargons that I had to stop and clarify with her, which was when she told me she was a nurse for 13 years. She asked if I knew anything about this particular syndrome; having grown weary of doctors repeating the same gloom message that there was “no hope” for her daughter. I do not think it was a fault of the doctors, there is very little written about the trisomy18 condition, and it is known to carry a poor prognosis. As professionals we are not to mislead or give false hope to patients and family members. But it made me realize that to better serve my future patients, it may not be enough to sprout statistics and pathophysiology, I would need the art of conveying thick textbook knowledge to them, in a way that would help them understand the seriousness of the condition, but still leave them with enough inspiration to make the best out of the situation.

At the end of the night, it didn’t take me long to grow fond of the ward and our pint sized patients, you never drag your feet when coming to see a child, because when you enjoy it, it hardly feels like “work”.


That was my first oncall report, written on the very first day of our paediatrics posting. And now that we are approaching the end of week3, I'm beginning to realise with a tug how much I am going to miss this very short posting of ours. I never saw myself as a paediatrician, maybe because I thought it too cliche that women are expected to go all "goo goo gaa gaa" and "molly colly" and "cutsie wutsie" and "itsy bitsy" and "bubu chacha" and whatever baby lingo you can rhyme together. When you are EXPECTED to behave in a certain way, there just aint no reason to prove people right, whether its feminism or the rebellion speaking, i do now know. I also personally do notlike to smother children, am i evil? haha

HAIH.

I thought I was strong. But I'm a weakling just like them. I'm hooked.

I find myself looking forward to going to the wards, it really doesnt feel like work at all. Things are interesting and intriguing again because you have to figure out what it wrong without them telling you, but at all times they are actually showing you in broad daylight what it wrong. We learn to be "opportunistic" doctors in dealing with the young because they will not always sit still for us to question, poke, and prod, so we have to rely on common sense, observation and some tact to get the information needed. A real tricky, sneaky, creative way of practicing medicine. I think that is it, i know why i love paediatrics, i love the creativity of it all. And I'm actually interested to come home and read about my patients, of course I was interested in my other patients I really enjoyed surgery before this posting, but none with this much drive before. Somehow they make it feel so worth it, like you really really want to do it, not only for yourself but for them.

THIS was the kind of passion I was looking forward to experiencing in clinical school, THIS is what being a 3rd/4th year medical student means. Although a little late, I pray I will find a way to guard it with all I have for the rest of this course and the rest of my (well "hopefully" if i graduate in one piece ) career. I may not end up a paediatrician convincing kids to trade in their sugarloadedgumrottingcandy for some wholesome VitaminC chewables at my clinic table, but I sure am glad it reminded me how to enjoy medicine again.

And of course I still havent mastered the feminine high pitched voice thingy women do when cooing a baby, i cant say like "hai babieeeeeeeee, oh babieeeeeeeeeeeeee" in the correct note. There is this perfect high octave note one must hit to achieve optimum results with these specimens. You can say "Hai baby" in a million ways, but I'm telling you man, that one sacred note is the key man, Da' key!

Bai babieeeeeeeee

*edit: pssst i just realised i chichichacha talk so much "inspire here" la "passion there" la, it would be super embarrassing if i failed paeds EOP or MCQ haha then i'll have to swallow my big words whole. Oh wells fingers crossed: EOP 1st of April and MCQ somewhere early march after Obs & Gyn posting. Heard MCQ is brutal wor *ngweaaaaa ngweaaa ngweaaaa*

**edit edit: I just found out my EOP examiner! cant say who it is because this is the world wide web but....*scared* hope i dont pee in my pants can ady shucks...

8 comments:

P's said...

another denise moment..:)

thumbs up.

and it was also ironic that today my consultant kinda gunned down my hopes of being a paed. :P

denise said...

Did he/she say something mean?

Pei, dont let those people tell you what you can or cannot dream about, they dont know you, they dont know what you are capable of kay. Believe in yourself! If you have a dream, that is the most precious and important thing, so protect it!

its tough, i feel very inadequate at times but we are not doing this by out own strength remember?

*HUGE ENERGY HUGS*
gambatte dear!!!!

euNICE said...

aww... so nice to read such a post filled with so much inspirasi (eh! haven't lost my BM touch eh?! LOL)

sometimes i wonder if i should have studied med.. but me sciences suck so bad its a sin to think about it. haha!

but i watch more Grey's Anatomy, House nowadays and not forgetting Chicago Hope and ER when i was young than lawyer shows! =.=

happy for you darling! :D :D you're gonna be my doctor when you graduate okay! :D hahaha.. sadly i may not be able to become your lawyer.. haha :P

denise said...

Haha memang not out of touch yet =p

Highschool and working skills different la, ppl can score 100% for a theory paper but practising is diff. I think you would have made a very yeng doctor! But even if u didnt do med, can still go on those short term mission trips and see how they work, i wanna go one day too.

Ya i remember you liked Grey's and House, but fulamak ER and Chicago Hope was like centuries ago, i remember watching a few in primary school strangely i didnt really like it, seemed boring at that time cos i wanna be mickey mouse club tv host that time hoho.

EH! why lar, if u protect me, i wont charge you for ur sinusitis meds, i promise wan! you must be my lawyer Eunice Chu! Fight the bad bald guys in suits for me! Jia Yuo k k k!

crz said...

competition! do surgery la..

Zzzyun said...

hey i liked how u wrote ur oncall report. was really interesting, kinda like reading a story.

anyway, thumbs up to finding ur inspiration again! i hope i can find mine soon too!

Ang3 said...

a very well written report...the joy of studying medicine without stress:)
keep it up gurl:)
you're doing real well!

misssuyin said...

crz: hohoho up for a challenge? relax la never said i was gonna be paediatrician oso... i just enjoyed the posting thats all =p ur next posting right? you'll love it crz! make sure u come prepared, can tell u where to buy nice rattle, stickers and soft toy for ur stets!

Zziyun: we were lucky to get a very sporting and approachable paediatrician as our coordinator, thats why i dared to write a lil less formally for my report this time =) 1st few months of clincals was TOUGH for me, but just gotta stick around a lil longer and u'll find it kay!

Angie: haha without stress ah? at
1st no stress la, so cute how to stress, now 1week more to exam stress again kekeke. but thanks Angie, ur support has been so berharga to me, gambatte to you too girl!