Its been a long time since we've had family dinners with the extended family. About a year to be exact since its only at Christmas or new years that we get to see everybody settle down and come down from wherever they have been slogging at year round . So when we went to klang for my uncle's a.k.a Tiua Ku's 50th birthday, honestly i went with mixed feelings.
The thing about these large dinners is that the beginnings are always bound to be awkward. First of are the greetings. As children we were always taught to "Faster don't be rude, call Ama!", "Eh..there is Sa Ku go call go call!", "Come girl you call Be Kim already not?" and what i heard of the most because af my small voice back then "Aiyo this girl ah, so naughty never call people wan ah". Don't get me wrong i know these names and titles were meant to bring the family closer Tiua Ku = first brother, De Ku= second brother, Sa Ku = third brother and so on and so forth. But the problem with me is that after calling their respective names, there is that awkward silence, i really don't know what to say to them after that... They smile, give me a pat and say good girl... then silence... then we just smile and pretend to be fascinated with the colour of the tea in our tiny cups. And because we are so used to calling them based on their position in the family tree, as embarrassing as it is i don't know their real names. I only know my grandmother as Ama, my eldest aunt as Ah Yi and so on. And i don't know what the do for a living apart from vague descriptions like "I work in Kl" because when we talk it is always about what us children were doing now which collage, what course, and asking details about their work may be seen as prying into other peoples business. Asking my parents wont help either, they will just tell me not to go round judging and comparing people which is the last thing i would want to do. I love these people, but sometimes i wished i know the people i loved.
After we are done with the official greetings then comes the conversation bit. For this the adults will have their own table and us children have the privilege of our own table too. The classic opening question would be "So *insert a cousin's name*, you form what now ah?" to which the answer would be a certain standard-something or form-something or i-go-to-X-collage now. Then even though you know very well you only had to add one year to whatever level of formal education they told you they were in last year, you still put on a face of pure surprise and say something along the lines of "Wahhh... so fast ah you? i didn't know *insert a cousin's name* so big boy/girl already wor" *sheepish grin*
And then you continue in the same formal superficial conversation for the rest of meal.
But my favourite part is when they bring the cutlery and tea cups in basins with hot water. Because it used to be the adults who were given the task of washing and dipping them in the water and then passing it to the others, but the last few years a few of us have grown old enough they say to take over =).
And when the food comes, us older ones are given charge to make sure the lil cousins actually eat something for if given a chance they would much rather blow bubbles with a straw in their cups of tea or fight over the edible flower that came as a decoration all night.
But just as i am sitting there secretly shredding the red plastic table cloth on the underside of the table and decidedly determined to have a horrible time, the cousin on my right suddenly warms up to us and starts telling the lame joke she has been repeating since infancy. And across the table the newest additions to our Cousins Club Limited start dodging from my sister as she is desperate to get good pictures of them as apposed to the fuzzy shadows she sees on her screen. In the other corner another sister finally remembers that she and her similar aged cousins were a year ago blood sistas and had vowed to be best friends forever and so they begin their series of bimbotic antics they've been practicing together since the good ol' pampers and potty days together. The trademark laughter of Ah Yi from the other table pierces the air. We start whispering about the lady in the nest table whose bra strap my teenage cousin swore he saw and as he claimed "poisoned his innocent eyes". Kong Kong spits on the floor and we all cringe and quietly saw "Eeww" in unison.
I feel the determination to be miserable start to fade away slowly as i look around at these odd creatures i was taught to call family...
NO i tell myself. I must not give in, I MUST have a horrible time tonight, i MUST.
Then came the icing on the cake. Ama just had to come over, sit down and start telling us the embarrassing stories of our childhood spent at her house... One by one the memories tug at my stubborn heart, the masak masak session gone bad when we decided to use REAL ingredients instead of make belief, the Johnson and Johnson powder we store from my sister's nursery to cover the slide so ur bums wouldnt burn, the naps we were supposed to take but never really did, the fear that chilled out spine when we saw the first rat in the house, the victory we felt when Ama trapped in, the nauseating feeling we had as we watched her drown it in hot water, jumping on Kong Kong's overstuffed sofa and running away after we broke it, vowing to hate Ama as she made us brush our teeth, feeling stupid afterwards when we went to the dentist crying, sleepovers when we didn't actually sleep, making fun of the dog's green poo and trying to get him to make more...
I give up. And start to love them all over again. The people who were there for me in the most crucial years, who loved the skinny awkward dull child who did not yet know how to love, who made fun of me but also laughed with me, who watched me grow and in return grew with me.
But just like every year before this, as i begin to feel comfortable in their presence again, it is time for us to go. The bill is called for, and true to tradition there is a squabble at the adults table as to who gets to pay for the bill this time. We children vow never to look as silly as the adults, because when we are old enough to pay for bills we would do the sane thing: Take turns lah =p
The same awkward formal greetings as before, except this it is followed by goodbyes and sincere wanting to keep in touch the following year.
These may just be long overdued dinners, but they are also so much more. They are reminders of who i am, and the weird people i love =)
ps: this was a pretty long post if you made it thus far congrats! =p
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