Words = truth
Smiles = happiness
Hugs = affection
Running = escape
Flying = freedom
Sleeping = rest
Shadows = darkness
Candles = light
I beg to differ.
Sometimes people look at you and with the *snap* of their fingers think they have you figured out. In their minds is already a rough sketch of you, what type of person you are, what kind of laugh you have, what kind of humor you posses, how well read you are, how capable you are of taking care of yourself, and sometimes… even how far you will ever go in life.
And if we are not careful, we might just find ourselves molding our very person to fit their idea of us. We turn that sketch of theirs into a full blown Picasso Oil Painting complete with a matching frame.
Don’t let anyone tell you what they expected of you. Tell them you are going to paint your own portraits from now on.
Words = excuses
Smiles = camouflage
Hugs = suffocating
Running = fear
Flying = searching
Shadows = faithful company
Candles = harsh exposure
Do consider the possibilities
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Sunday, October 07, 2007
In the middle of the night
It is 2.30 in the morning and the plan was to just browse a few more sites before going off early to bed to get shut eye for tomorrow's morning service.
But somehow everywhere blog i visit, the central theme has been FOOD. Either recipies, new restaurants to try or reunion dinners...
Then a sudden realization hits me: I dont want a big house in the future anymore, because as it is, it is already such a pain to leave my room go downstairs to satisfy my hunger pangs.
Gonna go roll about and decide whether or not to make that long journey now.
...roti kosong would be good at a time like this.
But somehow everywhere blog i visit, the central theme has been FOOD. Either recipies, new restaurants to try or reunion dinners...
Then a sudden realization hits me: I dont want a big house in the future anymore, because as it is, it is already such a pain to leave my room go downstairs to satisfy my hunger pangs.
Gonna go roll about and decide whether or not to make that long journey now.
...roti kosong would be good at a time like this.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Of bad luck & superheroes.
Mark it on your calanders, October the 5th and 6th are taboo dates!
Dont get that hair cut, dont cross the road, dont try a new dish, better yet dont even leave your house.
Why you ask?
I dont actually believe in bad luck but the events of the 2 days are just too funny to not be paranoid about. Let me tell you a true story....
Once upon a time, in the far away kingdom of IMU Bukit Jalil a young Denise slept through both her evening lectures despite the title of the lectures being "Human Sexuality" and "Reproductive Hormones", wasting 2 hours of her precious life. Amidst the doodling and attempts to pinch herself awake, she received an sms from Li Shan reading:
"Stop oggling at hot guys... I wanna eat french fries" (notice how it rhymes? and she only said that cos that is what SHE does in class, i dont "oggle")
1. But as Li Shan was stampeding like themost graceful of elephants out of IMU, the sole of her shoes partially tore off, giving it the most untastefull flapping-mouth look. *flap flap flippidy flap* That was how she had to walk around for the rest of the day #bad-luck-strikes-1#
Ok..nevermind, it sounds quite normal what to spoil your shoe right?... Nothing too weird about it so far...
After makan, we decide to go midvalley to find a pair new and hopefuly indistructable shoes. (#bad-luck-for Hazwan# ) And sidetracking, I'm starting to realise that 'shoes' have been playing a pretty big role in my life these past few days, wonder if its a sign?
It took guts of steel to even dare think of driving to midvalley because although i knew how to GET THERE, i had no idea how to GET BACK. The last time we drove there, we went all the way to subang jaya just to take the super expensive Kesas highway back to bukit jalil. But nevermind, with these 3 people the motto is "Chill 1st la, later oni crack head and die" OR "Denise stop your whinning and worrying, we are happening people who dont care if we end up standed in the middle of nowhere with no petrol to fill our car with."
2/3. I couldnt reach the ticket machine from the window of my car #bad-luck-strikes-2# After rounding the car park the zillionth time, my super lazer eyes spot a car coming out of it's lot, my super fast reflex was to turn right into the lane.... BUT OUT OF NO WHERE THIS VAN COMES INTO A ONE WAY LANE AND ZOOMS INTO MY LOT! My jaw literally fell and i almost died of shock, i think i spotted the people in the other cars laughing at our reaction leh... #bad-luck-strikes-3#
4. Our mission was to find a pair of shoes. We found ONE, but it was the last pair and the once white shoe might as well just be a member from The Simsons. Then we found ANOTHER, one she REALLY really liked, but (there always has to be a but) all their shoes even the new ones from the box were wrinkled with lines. #bad-luck-strikes-4#
5. OkaAaay... So we didnt get the shoes, and one shop even shoOoed us away from it's entrance because it was closing time, but i could not give up! We couldnt have driven all the wat there and stress through the parking system to go home with nothing. We had to watch a movie! Yes yes a movie would certainly make the trip more worthwhile. In one sentence: The only decent show left to watch was "Chuck & Larry", we lined up, only the front 2 rows were left, we were told to come back later when the Reserved seats would be given out. #bad-luck-strike-5#
6. To pass the time before we started lining up again for the reserved seats, we played photohunt. To make a painfull story short: We lost 3 games JUST BECAUSE WE COULDNT PRESS THE CLUE BUTTON ON TIME. Not that we couldnt find the answers you know, we still had 3 clues left and we wanted to use the clues. But they were in the form of a magnifying glass, so we press the round glass part of it mah, mana tahu you are supposed to press on the tiny HANDLE to make it work! And the vicious cycle actually repeated itself THREE TIMES. #bad-luck-strike-6#
7. By the time we finish photohunt, we realise the que for the movie was way too long. #bad-luck-strikes-7#
8. Lets just go back to Bukit Jalil where it is safe and free of bad luck. With trusty instructions from Chris, Kee, and some bits and pieces i remembered from Angelene, we made our journey.
Follow Old Klang road to leave Midvalley (pats self on back) --> turns our prematuredly to Jalan Kuchai Lama when we were supposed to go straight (kicks self on the butt) --> ends up at food court --> luckily Superhero-SHAN got lost there before (wow an actual benefit from getting lost) and was able to lead us out --> mamak (to whine and complain about our lack of luck that night) #bad-luck-strikes-8#
9. Arriving at the mamak we discover the huge tv screen was not there #bad-luck-strike-9#
10/11. After parking the car at Vista, Li Shan couldnt find her phone in my car. #bad-luck-strikes10#. I call her phone so we can follow the ringing sound, her phone is out of battery #bad-luck strikes-11#. The incredible search of the maroon wira begins! Lukily Superhero-HAZ finds it at the side door of the passangers seat.
We go to our respective apartments deciding that after such a stressfull night we were going to wash up and settle for a nice DVD.
12. There is the awfUl sMelL of VoMit as i pass the corridor leading to my apartment. #bad-luck-strikes-12#
13. While getting ready to bathe Hazwan calls "Err... Lishan cant find her house keys, we are coming up to get your car keys now ya" #bad-luck-stikes-13#. Walk paSs vOmIt sMeLL again to go car, search of the maroon wira round2. The keys were nowhere to be found. Lukily Superhero-SUYIN said " Li Shan, didnt you come to my place this morning to check PBL?"
To which a nervously chuckling Li Shan replied " *gasp* ya! and I... I used my keys to open your front door!"
PaSs VoMiT sMelL yet again to check at my apartment. Yes the keys were found.
All these events took place in the short span of time between 7pm 5th October to early-in-the-morning 6th October 2007.
And this evening (6th October) as we waited for a lift, the lift that arrived had no working lights.
Now you tell me, am I being paranoid? =P
*boo* hehehe...
Dont get that hair cut, dont cross the road, dont try a new dish, better yet dont even leave your house.
Why you ask?
I dont actually believe in bad luck but the events of the 2 days are just too funny to not be paranoid about. Let me tell you a true story....
Once upon a time, in the far away kingdom of IMU Bukit Jalil a young Denise slept through both her evening lectures despite the title of the lectures being "Human Sexuality" and "Reproductive Hormones", wasting 2 hours of her precious life. Amidst the doodling and attempts to pinch herself awake, she received an sms from Li Shan reading:
"Stop oggling at hot guys... I wanna eat french fries" (notice how it rhymes? and she only said that cos that is what SHE does in class, i dont "oggle")
1. But as Li Shan was stampeding like themost graceful of elephants out of IMU, the sole of her shoes partially tore off, giving it the most untastefull flapping-mouth look. *flap flap flippidy flap* That was how she had to walk around for the rest of the day #bad-luck-strikes-1#
Ok..nevermind, it sounds quite normal what to spoil your shoe right?... Nothing too weird about it so far...
After makan, we decide to go midvalley to find a pair new and hopefuly indistructable shoes. (#bad-luck-for Hazwan# ) And sidetracking, I'm starting to realise that 'shoes' have been playing a pretty big role in my life these past few days, wonder if its a sign?
It took guts of steel to even dare think of driving to midvalley because although i knew how to GET THERE, i had no idea how to GET BACK. The last time we drove there, we went all the way to subang jaya just to take the super expensive Kesas highway back to bukit jalil. But nevermind, with these 3 people the motto is "Chill 1st la, later oni crack head and die" OR "Denise stop your whinning and worrying, we are happening people who dont care if we end up standed in the middle of nowhere with no petrol to fill our car with."
2/3. I couldnt reach the ticket machine from the window of my car #bad-luck-strikes-2# After rounding the car park the zillionth time, my super lazer eyes spot a car coming out of it's lot, my super fast reflex was to turn right into the lane.... BUT OUT OF NO WHERE THIS VAN COMES INTO A ONE WAY LANE AND ZOOMS INTO MY LOT! My jaw literally fell and i almost died of shock, i think i spotted the people in the other cars laughing at our reaction leh... #bad-luck-strikes-3#
4. Our mission was to find a pair of shoes. We found ONE, but it was the last pair and the once white shoe might as well just be a member from The Simsons. Then we found ANOTHER, one she REALLY really liked, but (there always has to be a but) all their shoes even the new ones from the box were wrinkled with lines. #bad-luck-strikes-4#
5. OkaAaay... So we didnt get the shoes, and one shop even shoOoed us away from it's entrance because it was closing time, but i could not give up! We couldnt have driven all the wat there and stress through the parking system to go home with nothing. We had to watch a movie! Yes yes a movie would certainly make the trip more worthwhile. In one sentence: The only decent show left to watch was "Chuck & Larry", we lined up, only the front 2 rows were left, we were told to come back later when the Reserved seats would be given out. #bad-luck-strike-5#
6. To pass the time before we started lining up again for the reserved seats, we played photohunt. To make a painfull story short: We lost 3 games JUST BECAUSE WE COULDNT PRESS THE CLUE BUTTON ON TIME. Not that we couldnt find the answers you know, we still had 3 clues left and we wanted to use the clues. But they were in the form of a magnifying glass, so we press the round glass part of it mah, mana tahu you are supposed to press on the tiny HANDLE to make it work! And the vicious cycle actually repeated itself THREE TIMES. #bad-luck-strike-6#
7. By the time we finish photohunt, we realise the que for the movie was way too long. #bad-luck-strikes-7#
8. Lets just go back to Bukit Jalil where it is safe and free of bad luck. With trusty instructions from Chris, Kee, and some bits and pieces i remembered from Angelene, we made our journey.
Follow Old Klang road to leave Midvalley (pats self on back) --> turns our prematuredly to Jalan Kuchai Lama when we were supposed to go straight (kicks self on the butt) --> ends up at food court --> luckily Superhero-SHAN got lost there before (wow an actual benefit from getting lost) and was able to lead us out --> mamak (to whine and complain about our lack of luck that night) #bad-luck-strikes-8#
9. Arriving at the mamak we discover the huge tv screen was not there #bad-luck-strike-9#
10/11. After parking the car at Vista, Li Shan couldnt find her phone in my car. #bad-luck-strikes10#. I call her phone so we can follow the ringing sound, her phone is out of battery #bad-luck strikes-11#. The incredible search of the maroon wira begins! Lukily Superhero-HAZ finds it at the side door of the passangers seat.
We go to our respective apartments deciding that after such a stressfull night we were going to wash up and settle for a nice DVD.
12. There is the awfUl sMelL of VoMit as i pass the corridor leading to my apartment. #bad-luck-strikes-12#
13. While getting ready to bathe Hazwan calls "Err... Lishan cant find her house keys, we are coming up to get your car keys now ya" #bad-luck-stikes-13#. Walk paSs vOmIt sMeLL again to go car, search of the maroon wira round2. The keys were nowhere to be found. Lukily Superhero-SUYIN said " Li Shan, didnt you come to my place this morning to check PBL?"
To which a nervously chuckling Li Shan replied " *gasp* ya! and I... I used my keys to open your front door!"
PaSs VoMiT sMelL yet again to check at my apartment. Yes the keys were found.
All these events took place in the short span of time between 7pm 5th October to early-in-the-morning 6th October 2007.
And this evening (6th October) as we waited for a lift, the lift that arrived had no working lights.
Now you tell me, am I being paranoid? =P
*boo* hehehe...
Saturday, September 29, 2007
No title cos post got no meaning.
I've only been back in IMU for a mere 25days and already we've celebrated a few birthdays, fallen asleep in the new lecture hall, run a marathon, take silly pictures in the girls toilet (hold your imagination there, it was... totally normal) finished IMU cup, shop for things i dont really need but really want, AND sat for an endo paper.
Things are really moving fast around here. I have about a year left here in IMU Bukit Jalil *emo*
I dont know what came over me today but i had the sudden spontaeously scary urge to buy stuff. I dont usually spend money on anything unless i've thought and sighed and think somemore about it. But I bought shoes, bed sheets and a pseudo-book. Actuallt cos i spent so much money on the shoes and sheets i couldnt afford the book i wanted anymore so i settled for a cheaper one, it aint the same, but at least it fills the empty void while waiting for repro to start.
You know what would be a weird name for your kid?
John Perrybingle.
Things are really moving fast around here. I have about a year left here in IMU Bukit Jalil *emo*
I dont know what came over me today but i had the sudden spontaeously scary urge to buy stuff. I dont usually spend money on anything unless i've thought and sighed and think somemore about it. But I bought shoes, bed sheets and a pseudo-book. Actuallt cos i spent so much money on the shoes and sheets i couldnt afford the book i wanted anymore so i settled for a cheaper one, it aint the same, but at least it fills the empty void while waiting for repro to start.
You know what would be a weird name for your kid?
John Perrybingle.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
So cliche i could have been dreaming
Today as I was walking pass the swimming pool, I saw this well groomed gentleman sitting by the bench. He was smiling at me and waving, at first I was a little freaked out la cos I’ve never seen such a friendly stranger before. I thought of making a run for it before he decided to change form and transform into a psyco-ah-beng, but my conscious was working full time that afternoon and reminded me to be at least civil to someone who was already making so much effort to be pleasant. So I smiled and did a small wave. At that second I caught the waft of a very strong sweet smelling perfume, followed by a flash of color as a young woman in impossibly high silver heels floated past me in her flowing floral skirt right into my psyco-ah-beng’s arms. I actually jolted with surprise. Looking at our impromptu Korean drama love triangle by the vista pool, I would have jumped into the water and disappear if I could only swim and if I didn’t have lectures in about 2minutes time.
Sometimes my life really looks like it was cut out from some comedy flick or lame advertisement.
Moral of the story : Don’t be so perasan, make sure people are actually looking at your beautiful imu dress coded body before waving back and learn how to swim.
But I realize sometimes humor like this, even when YOU are the object of humor can teach you a thing or two about yourself. Remind you not to take yourself too seriously =P
And if that was God winking at me to get a sense of humor, I definitely got the much needed hint. Am I wrong to think that the God who created beings as confusing as 20 year old female homosapiens to be one of great humor?
Haha anyways thanks, really.
Wah but still doesn’t change the fact that it was super memalukan lah, still cant get over it.
isssssssh.
My ego is bruised. For life. =P
Sometimes my life really looks like it was cut out from some comedy flick or lame advertisement.
Moral of the story : Don’t be so perasan, make sure people are actually looking at your beautiful imu dress coded body before waving back and learn how to swim.
But I realize sometimes humor like this, even when YOU are the object of humor can teach you a thing or two about yourself. Remind you not to take yourself too seriously =P
And if that was God winking at me to get a sense of humor, I definitely got the much needed hint. Am I wrong to think that the God who created beings as confusing as 20 year old female homosapiens to be one of great humor?
Haha anyways thanks, really.
Wah but still doesn’t change the fact that it was super memalukan lah, still cant get over it.
isssssssh.
My ego is bruised. For life. =P
Saturday, September 08, 2007
7km = 7000m = 700000cm = 7000000mm
We ran... ok well maybe not run...
We jogged... hmm not entirely true either...
We walked...
for the
IMU CHARITY RUN!
7km wei friend, to some it might seem like no sweat.
But i dont even know how far 7km is!
(See my title, makes 7km seem far right? yes!)
So yea, it was a big deal for me that we managed to finish it within the time limit of 1.5 hours.
I confess that this morning when i saw all the people gathering outside IMU, i was a lil worried. I has the impression that this was a fun leisurely thingy just go and lepak while bersenam abit, BUT some of those people looked professional wei!
They got special singlets, and some came from track teams, some had "pacesetters" written on their shirts i mean you hear the word "pacesetters'' also you can roughly figure out what their pace is like rite? fast la of course. One lady cut pass me during the run and wow! her legs were all lean mucle, can see wan leh! *looks down at own short stumpy legs*
It was a fun day, with goodie bags, essence of chicken (1st like drinking it cold *brRr*), carnival food, games, haunted house (which i appretiated from the outside), henna... oh, and more food!
So far, no injuries have been reported, except for Pei's cut on her heel from her new stylo-milo shoes. I still cant believe she ran the whole thing with her GUCCI sunglasses, talk about running in style *weet weet* =p
And suprisingly none of my muscles seem to be singing in pain yet.
Maybe if you tune in tmr, you will catch their debut performance.
Nites world.
30% there and worrying.
The future suddenly seems so scary.
I've always been one to ignore things untill the very last minute, and only look at the problem when it is right in my face. Not really a trait I pride myself in. And this, I have been ignoring for a very long time: My future.
Sit down with any medical student and probably the first question you would want to ask them is:
"So, what do you plan of speciallizing in?"
Usually you the question would be adressed with a mouthfull of big-unpronouncable-titles and a satisfied grin. I just give a nervous smile and a "I'm not really decided at the moment."
Call me naive but when I first enrolled for this course, i painted a really simple picture for myself. It had me looking smart and tidy (maybe with some imagination, a little taller? haha), clicking my shoes as I stride down a brightly lit hospital corridoor, with a clipboard at hand. I am smiling, and despite the permanent eye bags I've earned for myself, I am confident. As I leaf through the list for the day, I am greeted by familiar colleagues I've grown to love and embrace as family, looking up from my clipbpoard I meet the eyes of those who got me through the endless nights on call. I walk into one of the wards and see 'them', many worried, some anxious, some tired and some hopefull. This is not my job I tell myself every morning when I find it hard to drag myself out of bed into the cold shower, "This is my mission".
Well that was what I thought 1.5 years ago anyways.
But then you realise it's not that simple, say I do graduate with an MBBS, would that be enough? Would I want to stop there? If I do find something I'm really passionate about pursuing in detail, would my options be open to me then?
My fear is finally finding something I might love, only to realize in the end that my options have been narrowed down for me, that I'm at a dead end.
People tell me that being a GP these days isnt enough anymore, that in the future, everyone will be holding a postgrad to their name. And it is not hard to see why. I mean, what good is there to know bits and pieces of everything but not understand anything in depth? Jack of all trades and master of none right?
Being an IMU seremban graduate, I am only allowed to specialise in 3 local universities. Note the number 3 is a very small number. (1st uni for the course of choice, 2nd uni for when i'm rejected for the first, and 3rd uni just in case I'm lucky). BUT if i am brave enough to attempt the much talked about USMLE step 1 and step2, my options might be broaden a little bit to the US shores. If i do get a place there for postgrad, for a good course, it would be great! And i think i will be able to more or less support myself with the minimum income they are willing to give as the course is sponsored by the govt. My parents will be able to breathe again! Well, that is the IDEAL situation la, the dilemma now is whether or not i am ready to juggle IMU curriculum AND the USMLE syllabus at the same time. Time is running and i will have to decide soon as everyone knows preparation for USMLE is anything but easy, even if i start today i will still be a little behind.
Plan1: USMLE step1 - before sem6
USMLE step2 - sem 10
*hopefully* gets some interviews in the US
Plan2: USMLE step1 - sem10
USMLE step 2 - after houseman
can wait to see is i get into a local uni, OR interviews in US
Plan3: Stop thinking too much and just concentrate on getting an MBBS FIRST.
But honestly i havent the faintest idea what i want to specialise in, IF i ever do specialise. There are so many probable outcomes from all of this, so much thinking and worrying and wondering and imagining I can do right now, but still in the end i could very well find myself in a totally different situation from whatever I've dreamt up for myself when i reach the other side.
I am only a second year student, metaphorically i can hardly even see the ladder from where i am standing.
Like i said, scary.
I've always been one to ignore things untill the very last minute, and only look at the problem when it is right in my face. Not really a trait I pride myself in. And this, I have been ignoring for a very long time: My future.
Sit down with any medical student and probably the first question you would want to ask them is:
"So, what do you plan of speciallizing in?"
Usually you the question would be adressed with a mouthfull of big-unpronouncable-titles and a satisfied grin. I just give a nervous smile and a "I'm not really decided at the moment."
Call me naive but when I first enrolled for this course, i painted a really simple picture for myself. It had me looking smart and tidy (maybe with some imagination, a little taller? haha), clicking my shoes as I stride down a brightly lit hospital corridoor, with a clipboard at hand. I am smiling, and despite the permanent eye bags I've earned for myself, I am confident. As I leaf through the list for the day, I am greeted by familiar colleagues I've grown to love and embrace as family, looking up from my clipbpoard I meet the eyes of those who got me through the endless nights on call. I walk into one of the wards and see 'them', many worried, some anxious, some tired and some hopefull. This is not my job I tell myself every morning when I find it hard to drag myself out of bed into the cold shower, "This is my mission".
Well that was what I thought 1.5 years ago anyways.
But then you realise it's not that simple, say I do graduate with an MBBS, would that be enough? Would I want to stop there? If I do find something I'm really passionate about pursuing in detail, would my options be open to me then?
My fear is finally finding something I might love, only to realize in the end that my options have been narrowed down for me, that I'm at a dead end.
People tell me that being a GP these days isnt enough anymore, that in the future, everyone will be holding a postgrad to their name. And it is not hard to see why. I mean, what good is there to know bits and pieces of everything but not understand anything in depth? Jack of all trades and master of none right?
Being an IMU seremban graduate, I am only allowed to specialise in 3 local universities. Note the number 3 is a very small number. (1st uni for the course of choice, 2nd uni for when i'm rejected for the first, and 3rd uni just in case I'm lucky). BUT if i am brave enough to attempt the much talked about USMLE step 1 and step2, my options might be broaden a little bit to the US shores. If i do get a place there for postgrad, for a good course, it would be great! And i think i will be able to more or less support myself with the minimum income they are willing to give as the course is sponsored by the govt. My parents will be able to breathe again! Well, that is the IDEAL situation la, the dilemma now is whether or not i am ready to juggle IMU curriculum AND the USMLE syllabus at the same time. Time is running and i will have to decide soon as everyone knows preparation for USMLE is anything but easy, even if i start today i will still be a little behind.
Plan1: USMLE step1 - before sem6
USMLE step2 - sem 10
*hopefully* gets some interviews in the US
Plan2: USMLE step1 - sem10
USMLE step 2 - after houseman
can wait to see is i get into a local uni, OR interviews in US
Plan3: Stop thinking too much and just concentrate on getting an MBBS FIRST.
But honestly i havent the faintest idea what i want to specialise in, IF i ever do specialise. There are so many probable outcomes from all of this, so much thinking and worrying and wondering and imagining I can do right now, but still in the end i could very well find myself in a totally different situation from whatever I've dreamt up for myself when i reach the other side.
I am only a second year student, metaphorically i can hardly even see the ladder from where i am standing.
Like i said, scary.
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